Randy's Journal (October 2006)
Note to readers of these entries: There are many
grammatical, punctuation and typing errors. It would be incredibly time
consuming to go through each entry and correct the mistakes, so I ask
that the reader please forgive me of these errors. Each entry goes
through several hands in the process of getting my words from death row
to your computer screen in a timely fashion. Thank you for your
patience. I hope you will enjoy my writings.
October 05, 2006
"Lost Journal Entries"
I have come up with a crazy theory on time travel out of pure
boredom! I'm not really sure how it got where it did, but I had been
thinking about alternate universes; the chance that in some other
dimension me, Randy, wasn't such a screw up and actually did things
right in his life and is having a successful one (but even 'success'
is subjective: what is success measured by- by whose definition?
That's a whole other tangent and topic for another day!).
Well, somehow thinking about all of this metaphysical stuff, an idea
popped into my head…what if time travel was and is possible? (The
physicist and genius Stephen Hawkings believes it is possible, by
using warm holes, black holes, etc.) What if it happens every second
of our lives? Obviously, the changes that would occur wouldn't effect
us at all because our sense of the present would be continual to our
conscious mind.
Now, when you get into the paradox area (forgive me if my words are
jumbled or incoherent 'cause I'm a far cry from a physicist and I'm
trying to make this as simple to understand as possible) of whether
only minute change to the past would create havoc in the eternal order
of the universe it gets tricky. Unless the universe is so chaotic (or
I'd like to believe in a systematic "controlled chaos") that it
doesn't matter, it would no longer create a paradox. We don't
register a change at all…BUT we really do! See, our minds or our sub
consciousness can exist in many dimensions. (It would explain people
who have ESP, telekinesis, etc.-if you believe in those things). So
actually, we do reload these little changes and when space/time
fluctuates and is changed by a time traveler; to us it becomes like
déjà vu. We say, "wait…I just did this" because in all actuality you
did just do it- it's only been altered a little bit. Your reality
remains the same- or you think so anyways.
You might say, well if that's the case why not alter the great
tragedies of history? I say- who's to say it hasn't been altered in
some tiny way? Whose to say, maybe, previously WW2 never happened in
another time, but someone traveled back in time to make it happen?
Pretty spooky, huh?
As a kid I used to day dream about going back in time to talk to
myself. It was an older version of me and I'd catch myself walking
home from school and stop him, "Hey, I'm you." I'd say to the little
squirt. Of course- I'd freak out at my older self and be in complete
disbelief. "Why are you here?" I'd say. "To warn you of things to
come. So and so is going to pick on you and try to beat you up" and
so on. Maybe it was just a way to deal with my insecurities in
elementary school.
Hey- I do have a crazy imagination!
And while I'm letting my crazy imagination run wild for a bit why not
use water as a source of perpetual motion for energy? No, not
hydroelectric stations from dams, or the waves and currents of the
oceans…basically you build these gargantuous water tanks in some
desolate part of the country (like death valley) in each tank you have
these huge propellers or turbines…Now, basically the idea is to kick
start the turbines and then begin to circulate the water in these
tanks. Inside each tank is a series of smaller propellers that, by
using the force of the water it spins the small propellers which then
generate electricity for a power plant, but also for the turbines
creating a perpetual source of energy by having multiple tanks, if a
break down should occur, you could shut down the tank with the
problem, while the other tanks still run at full capacity. It could
work!
Trust me, I know…I have way too much time on my hands =) Peace! |
October 06, 2006
"From The Lost Vaults Of Randy's Mind…..Lost Journal Entries"
I swear some people can be such idiots (and yes, I include myself in
this category from time to time) one, I don't know why some people
feel others need to hear what they're listening to.
Now, once the radios are blasting so loud and everyone in the day room
is yelling and then inmates are yelling over the music so they can
hold conversations it feels like a zoo.
So what happens today? The guards yell, "turn it down!" Only a few
do. The guards give another warning, "turn that shit down!" Again
only a few do. Fed up, one officer leaves and finds a ranking
officer, who then orders for every cell to be searched. "Take all
speakers and contraband. I want a discipline case written for every
speaker you confiscate." Now it's so quite you can hear the
cockroaches scuffling around. Haha. It didn't matter now- the guards
begin to go to every cell.
All of this could've been avoided had only the yahoos turned down
their radio! I think they wrote about 15 contraband discipline cases.
Anyways, just had to write about that today. I found it funny.
Right now I'm on F-pod. I'm surprised they moved me over here. It's
like a mini-vacation away from level 2! I had an ice cream and coke
my neighbor gave to me, plus later on he's going to cook me up some
bean burritos- yummy. Can't wait! Not only that, but I've been
listening to his radio through a hole in the wall. I figure since
they left me on E-pod for a month they'll leave me here for a month.
Normally, I can't stand it on this pod- and even now it's testing my
patience (I can't stand all of the racial tension that feeds back
here…), but still I view it as a little vacation.
I've been reading a ton still! I'm like a crack addict on books! But
now I'm beginning to mix up plots. I can't remember what happened in
which book!
The good news is that I'm slowly coming around on my writing. It
won't be long now 'til I'm up to full capacity. I can feel the blocks
guard letting up. I've been writing a few things here and there. I
figure in another week or so I'll be up to full capacity. I hope!
I've got some good topics perculating in my brain. I can hear them
with their bloop bloop bloop sound. Bubbling, rising up…or could it
be the onset of pure and complete MADNESS? Haha… I hope I'm not
going crazy- but like most things in life; craziness is subjective,
what you may deem crazy might be perfectly sane and normal to me. Or
vice versa. It all depends on how you see your own life.
Peace =) |
October 19, 2006
Well, it's 11:01 p.m. I've got a thermal long sleeve shirt on and
socks on my feet because a cold front came out of nowhere. From the
feel of my wall that my bed rest's against it seems about 58-59
degrees. That's kind of chilly for a Texas boy =)
I just finished a book by the porn magnate, Larry Flynt on politics-
and I admit it was written surprisingly well. A highly thought out
book. Man, does it give the republicans a bashing, too. The overall
theme of his writings is about hypocrisy- especially amongst the
"Moral Right" (haha too funny!) But as anyone who knows from current
events in the u.s. press….it seems an awful lot of so called soldiers
of the moral high ground are being caught doing a lot of immortal
activity…Anyways, it was a good book. What does that make for me
now? Hmmm…I've got to be in the fifties for amount of books I've read
since on level 2 discipline.
So, to state the obvious I'm back to writing in my journal. I do have
a clear head, the block seems to have lifted and I thought of a lot of
topics and stories I want to tell in my journal. I've slacked from my
anti-death penalty talks, so I will go into that in the next few
weeks/months, etc. I really want to break down how the system works
for those who don't understand. I will point out key flaws in the
system; but more importantly; weigh the moral implications of having a
death penalty in our society has on us as a whole. (Yes, as you can
tell I've been giving this a lot of thought =) )
Mentally and physically right now I feel as good as ever. I've only
got 32 days left on leve 2 so it's all down hill now.
Spiritually…I'm kind of sad right now because a guy killed himself
last night. Out of respect for him and his loved ones I won't get
into the details, as it is too gruesome…but apparently, his execution
was set for today and he did not want to die by the state's hands. I
did know the guy in passing. I had been outside with him a few times
and he seemed all right. I can only imagine the pain and turmoil his
family is going through.
I don't feel like going into all the details here- as only one person
knows of this…it's extremely difficult to write about and I've only
ever shared it with my ex wife, but the night before my own capital
murder trial I almost killed myself. I saved up a bunch of pills my
neighbor gave to me and took them all at once. I laid in bed crying ,
and I finally came to my senses and made myself throw them up. But
that's a story for another day.
For now I just would like to keep the man who died- and his family in
your hearts and prayers. No one deserves to have a tormented mind or
soul. It's a cruel curse but I feel that this should make us want to
be even more loving and compassionate towards others.
I've talked about the things we take for granted. For me a hug was
one of them. I can't express it enough, the comfort and healing
powers a hug can offer. The warm embrace of a friend or loved one. A
smile, "I love you" or "I care about you". Being in a cell all day
long - it's something we lose and I miss it…God, do I miss it.
I don't know what I'm trying to get at…maybe, in the simplest terms
just be there for someone who may need it. Don't say you're too busy,
or you've got to do this or that. What's more important than a friend
or family member? The only guarantee in our lives is that we won't
last forever so why pass up an opportunity to be there for another?
Okay, it's getting late now. I need to brush my teeth, clean up and
get ready for bed. I'm going to wrap myself up in this blanket and
get all comfy and hopefully I'll have sweet dreams. I hope you do,
also =)
Peace! |
October 20, 2006
9:54 p.m. Another chilly night. It seems even colder than last
night. Everything is cold- the walls, the steel structure of my
toilet, sink and light…even this desk top I'm writing on.
Today was a no recreation day. Boring as all can be. I spent much of
it reading a graphic novel (comics for adults =) ) called "concrete:
depths" I have to say- it's probably one of the best written graphic
novels I've ever read. Man, if only I could draw! I want to write a
graphic novel so bad!
About a month ago I received an e-mail asking about how I play
basketball on death row and what our day rooms and outside recreation
yards look like. I'll try my best to give a description you can see
in your minds eye: Our day room is essentially a large caged in
area. Bars surround a large slab of concrete. Inside the cage is a
mattress for exercising, a table and a chine up bar. Imagine 6 of
these on a pod. 3 on one side, 3 on the other. 1 dayroom to a
section. Outside there are basically 2 of the same- the top is
opened, but with bars to prevent climbing out. There is a mesh fence
splitting the two yards. To play basketball- or "Speed Ball" as we
call it…On each half we run from corner to corner diagonally. At each
corner you shoot the ball. Hit or miss- you still run to the opposite
corner. We usually play til the first person hits ten shots. If a
tie should occur we have an "overtime" game and keep running until
someone hits fifteen. It's an extremely intense game to play as you
literally have to sprint shoot sprint shoot- and do it all
accurately. There's no time to set up a shot (unless your opponent is
horrible at the game =) ) You have to rely on three things: luck,
skill and instinct. Luck usually doesn't win games, thought. Haha.
I can't explain the sheer rush of playing. I used to despise
basketball. I was never "bad" at it, but I just didn't enjoy playing
it. But now? I can't get enough of it. Win of lose; it's a blast to
play; plus, it melts the pounds right off of you =)
Well, I'm about to brush my teeth and crawl under my blanket. Then,
I'm going to start a book called Rapture by Thomas Tessier. A horror
novel. I like to alternate between serious and fun reading. I find
you don't get as burned out.
I know, this is a lame entry, but hey- nothing really inspired me
today. But don't fret- good stuff is coming. I promise…
Man, I'm getting hungry. Where's breakfast? Peace. |
October 21, 2006
Another cold day. I love it. It's 7:39 p.m. and I'm winding down
early. I want to try to be in bed by 10 p.m. or so 'cause I plan on
being busy all day tomorrow a lot of writing to do, laundry,
exercising. My cells a mess, so I need to tidy it up.
I've got a complaint…Here I am, on level 2 for something I didn't even
do- the same goes for 13 other men. Now, if I actually did "create a
disturbance" I would accept my punishment and deal with it…What has me
super frustrated is the un-fairness in the punishment system- and I
feel is a reflection of our justice system.
See, two weeks ago they allowed one guy who was busted for weed (a
felony at that!) to return to level 1 after only 30 days. Another guy
who was caught with homemade wine was busted and brought up to level 1
in 30 days. These are 90 days offenses!!!
Then, just today another guy was allowed to return to level 1 3 weeks
early and he was busted with a shank- and- had a previous assault on
an officer case. Can you see the incongruence here? There are guys
being punished who were never even served a discipline case! It's
ridiculous.
Now lets look at the criminal justice system. In some cases a
murderer can be sentenced 5 years, while a guy busted for pot can get
a life sentence. A child molester can get probation and an 18 year
old kid who gets caught stealing can get 20 years…see a problem? Look
at the parole system…A person whose been locked up and done everything
to show he has changed never gets a chance at parole, while a guy who
gets out, commits crime, gets out again, comes back, gets out, comes
back will get chance after chance…
A system that is so corrupt and illogical…a system that doesn't even
allow for rehabilitation…it just irks the heck out of me. Justice is
supposed to be blind, but that doesn't mean our society has to be. We
yell "lock them up" without even understanding the system.
And so, I'm a little (a lot really…) perturbed at the unfairness of
which us 14 guys who were given this punishment. Who lost family
visits so close to Thanksgiving, who lost privileges etc. All in the
name of making examples to those who would act up. It's crazy.
My neighbor sounds like a wild beast! Haha. He's sleeping and is
snoring so loud! My God I've never heard anyone snore this loud in my
life; it's like a clogged up Hoover vacuum. Haha.
Well, I need to tidy up and wind down…just 31 days…I'm so close now
=)
Peace. |
October 22, 2006
Oh yeah =) Just 30 days to go. I'm winding around the corner
now…WHEW! Today has been non-stop. It started off with me getting up
at lunch time. I got plenty of sleep. Right after lunch I did some
laundry and had an intense workout. I was going to keep it light, but
said screw it and gave it all I have. I washed up, shaved my head and
then cleaned my cell from top to bottom. After that I finished a
couple more pieces of laundry and then got to writing. I just started
another small memoir about my aunt Carole and how her death affected
me called "Cancer". I hope to have it finished by Tuesday. I'm
sending my other vignette out tonight called "Tumultuous". I really
think it should be read. It's really personal.
First I have to rant…I'm very upset at these prison officials.
There's a guy here named Doil. Doil is basically an eight year old
kid trapped in a mans body. He's been on death row since the early
80's, is harmless as a fruit fly and immensely kind in only the way a
child can be. How he landed on death row is a crying shame in itself-
what could the jurors have seen harmful in this guy? If he's a
monster then he is pulling off an acting job truly worthy of an
academy award.
Every now and then they will move people to different cells just to
shake things up a bit. Doil was told he'd be moving to B-pod 81
cell. Which was next to a guy who constantly harrases him and picks
on him, in 80 cell. Doil got scared and told them no, but didn't have
the ability to articulate the reason he didn't want to move. Doil
became scared and the guards increasing threats of being forced to
move. So, Doil being the child he is, grabbed the exercise mattress,
went to a corner and hid under it. The ranking officers considered
this an act of defiance and gassed him and then sent the riot team to
drag him out.
Doil is now on level 3. A guard I think is truthful told me all of
this as he was just as upset and appalled as I am. And this, folks,
is how we treat our fellow mentally challenged human beings. Lovely
isn't it?
Not much else to report today. I think I'm going to spend the rest of
the evening reading and waiting on breakfast. I'm hungry!
Peace and goodnight. |
October 23, 2006
This has worked out fantastic for me! I normally despise lock downs,
but to my good fortune my hopes were answered =) Yes, we are on
lockdown. The reason why I’m happy is because a lockdown will give me
two weeks off of my 29 days left. I say that because it will take two
weeks to shake us all down. There will be no recreation and few
privileges for everyone. So, essentially all of Polunsky Unit is in
the same situation. Two weeks will pass quickly and I will have only 2
weeks left. You’re probably confused, but it’s perfectly logical in my
mind.
I’ve spent most of the day going through all of my property. It’s
amazing what can accumulate in an environment where we don’t have much
as it is. I had a bunch of junk. I organized copies of my poetry, my
journals and other writings. I looked at my journal printouts from
August 05 to now- I can’t believe I’ve written so much! Maybe one day
after I’m long gone someone will find value in them and have them
published in volumes…That’d be kind of cool.
Earlier today I was asked if I wanted to do an interview for CBS
news out of Dallas, Texas. I turned it down. You know, I generally
don’t trust the media anymore. I have had my words twisted and
misconstrued so many times…I feel like I say all I need to say right
here- and this is in black and white. Not much to misconstrue. I mean,
what could the news possibly want to talk about? We escaped almost 6
years ago. It’s over, done. Let it be…
Instead, they just want to keep turning it over and over. What
about the victims? Do they want to be reminded time and time again? To
revisit the pain? You almost wonder what kind of sociopathic logic the
media uses. When have they ever been empathetic? It’s always about
some angle. How do they boost their ratings. It reminds me of the song
"Vicarious" by the band Tool. Go ahead, listen to the song, check out
the lyrics.
Anyways…onto another subject- my neighbor cracks me up. He’s this
little troll looking dude, but he has this laugh forgive me for
letting my inner nerd here, but if you’ve ever seen "Starwars: Return
Of The JedI" you’ll know what I’m talking about…
You know when princess Leah is captured by Jabba The Hutt? Near
Jabba’s tail is this weird looking critter and whenever something
exciting happens he lets out this high pitched insane laugh. Well, my
neighbor laughs just like it and I always get the same image of that
critter and so I start laughing every time.
Not much else happening today- if something does I shall continue
but for now I’m going to return to writing my memoir "Cancer". Peace! |
October 25, 2006
Yesterday was a mess…I spent the whole night fighting to keep water
out of my cell, but it was a futile attempt. I was too tired to even
try to write a journal entry. You know, whenever I ask for some
excitement in this place I always get it ten fold of what I expect!
So, the day had been by-coasting by. Where things are so slow and
mundane and the hours seem to be eternities. It thought, "Boy, we sure
could use some sort of excitement in this place, if only to ensure us
we’re still alive and not trapped in some mind numbing purgatory…"
Then, about 30 minutes after that someone started a huge fire. We’re
talking bonfire, baby. Sheets, newspaper doused in Vaseline and baby
oil. That sucker was burning! A few guards come running into our
section with an extinguisher and put it out. Our section smelled like
a campsite.
Things calmed down a bit and I got back into my book. I think it
was about 40-45 minutes later someone yelled, "Iceberg right ahead!!!"
And I thought, oh boy someones lost his mind. I didn’t get it all
until…water came pouring out of nowhere. Down from the ceilings, the
stairs, the floor…we were taking on water fast and I snapped to that
scene in Titanic where the spotter on the ship sees the iceberg right
before they hit it. Almost every cell on 2 row (upstairs) had
purposely clogged their toilets and began a flood by flushing their
toilets. I was taking in more water than I could get out. Our whole
section was flooded. I’m talking about an inch and a half deep water.
Someone kept yelling, "more water!" and more water came. I actually
thought it was kind of funny, but it was a pain in the ass to cleanup.
It took hours. I don’t know what the guys who flooded intentions were,
but the guards weren’t too happy about it. I admit- whoever screamed
that line from Titanic was pretty clever. A very witty comment to
make. It would’ve been something I would’ve done. Brilliant.
My problem today is I can’t stay off the damn toilet. I’ll just put
it like this…Our meals consist of a sack lunch during lockdowns. Now,
because I’m a vegetarian all I get each and every meal is a very oily
peanut butter and jelly sandwich (2 usually for each meal) and either
raisins or prunes. Combined, this makes for a potent concoction more
power than any laxative known to man. It has not been pretty. Remember
that scene in "Dumb And Dumber" where Harry is slipped a cup full of
liquid laxative? Yep. That’s me right now. Ugh.
Well, the Houston Chronicle has my ire. I read an article from the
Saturday 21st paper on Michael Johnson the guy who killed himself
(look it up) right before his execution date. What pissed me off is
how one sided it is- they never show the condemned’s families side and
how they are victims in this too.
Anyone who knows me on a close and personal level knows I’m very
empathetic and sensitive towards the victims of everyone. However, I
cannot agree with any vengeful mindset. It really pisses me off when
vengeance is accepted as justice. It isn’t. So for someone to make a
statement like "I feel cheated out of justice" or "Well, at least he
suffered more by killing himself that what the lethal injection
would’ve done.." That’s not natural. It’s not human. Those opinions go
against humanity. And for the media to hype it up makes it even worse.
Then, TDCJ (The Texas Corrections Department) sends 2 people to the
victims family (screw the guy who killed him selves family) to say
"Hey, we’re sorry he killed himself before we could kill him…) What
kind of warped sense of "justice" is that, it’s disgusting. Human
beings can be so…we’re entrusted with earth for what reason? Sometimes
I wonder if dolphins or monkeys wouldn’t do better as stewards of the
land. Sheesh.
Plus, the guy had always maintained his innocence from day one. You
know what he did as he killed himself? Wrote, "I did not shoot him" in
his own blood as he bled to death. I don’t know too many guilty people
who would do that. I understand -feel- a victims pain. But I cannot
accept a death for death mentality. I cannot agree with any murder of
any human being. Compassion, forgiveness are more logical and powerful
tools for healing. It took a long time for me to see it, but I know in
my heart of hearts it’s the only truth.
In other news, I’ll probably be moved to another cell tonight so
I’m kind of looking forward to that. I’m kind of hoping to get bounced
back over to F-pod. I doubt it, but I wouldn’t mind a little
mini-vacation off of level 2 =) Only 27 days to go! I’m so ready to
get off this crap. I just want to hear some music!!! Well, guess I’ll
shut it down here. Be safe and peace =) |
October 26, 2006
Woo…I’m pooped. It’s 11:30 p.m. and I just spent the last hour
cleaning my cell. It was beyond filthy and nasty. And umm…there was
some strange dried up substance that I dare not speculate about on the
cell door…My friend David has a theory that they administrations goal
is to eventually have me scrub and clean every single cell on death
row. This, he says, is why they move me. Haha. It sure does seem that
way.Today was a warmer day. We had a little rain, but it was not near
as cool the past few days. I spent most of it going through legal work
with my neighbor at the time…after listening to his story, seeing
affidavits and other documents, I’m convinced he’s innocent. They
nature of the crime was pretty horrific- and it’s easy to judge, but I
kept an open mind as he walked me through everything. Once being a
bullshitter myself, I have a pretty good B*S* detector and as I viewed
more and more documents I eased up. The kicker was a signed affidavit
and confession from the person who actually committed the crime (a
seventeen year old girl no less! [The crime took place in the early
80’s] ) She said she felt so guilty and had become a born again
Christian and could not let an innocent man die because of her…
Now, in the appeals process the district attorney is aloud to argue
a counter opinion on view. What do they say in response to this
affidavit by the girl who confessed? "Oh, they must have been lovers
and she’s just trying to save him"… Typical D.A. denial in the face of
truth…However, the accused mans attorney brings up the fact that never
in the trial or records did they say he had a "lover" nor did the
police records show they had talked to any "lover" of his, as would be
customary procedure to talk to anyone involved in the suspects life.
From some attorney letters I read they feel confident to get him off
death row. But…here’s the scary part of it all…He was within hours, a
few years ago, of being executed. This is our wonderful justice system
ladies and gentlemen.
And trust me; this isn’t the only innocent man on death row. There
are many.
In other news, I was reading about an organization that I totally
want to get involved with. It’s called FOR: The Fellowship Of
Reconciliation. You can find out more about them at www.forusa.org.
They are dedicated to peace, non-violence, forgiveness and compassion.
Check it out.
I guess that’s about it for today. I’m wrapping up my memoir called
"Cancer" and about to start another vignette called "Drugs". I’m glad
I took a break from writing to clear my mind and think about what I
wanted to say and write about.
I can’t express the gratitude for those who have invested their
time in keeping up with my life and the many ups and downs. I know I’m
not the most interesting person in the world, but I’m still grateful
to those who care. Thank you.
Goodnight and peace. *yawn* I’m going to go to bed now =) |
October 30, 2006
Today has started out very sloooow. I thought it was going to rain,
but then it cleared out and now it's quite pretty outside.
You know, I'm always wondering what the process is to become a ranking
officer. Do they award a ranking title to someone who I strict on the
rules or is it a favoritism system? I'm more inclined to believe it's
the latter. I say this because they just awarded this one officer the
title of "Sergeant" and she had to be one of the most…how do I say
this nicely??? Not quite all in the head, guards working death row.
I mean, she couldn't even do a proper security count. She was dirty,
flirty; not the brightest bulb in the socket. Now, this is no put
down on women in leadership positions- I'm very much in favor of women
having leadership/management jobs. But this particular woman has no
business being in charge of anything. I'm telling you, the first
lapse in security and she's not going to know how to react or handle
the problem. So, it's why I wonder what the criteria is to be
promoted.
In high school, at OBI (the private boarding school I attended) I was
a hall monitor. The youngest, at that, being only a sophomore. I had
been a room monitor for Baker Hall, the middle school dorms; and
basically, I was in charge of 9 other kids who were younger than me.
I had to make sure they bathed, washed their clothing, kept our room
clean. I took up for my roommates when others gave them trouble. I
tried to be a big brother.
Becoming a hall monitor in the high school dorms was at first a dare.
I didn't expect to get the job.
At the beginning of each school year all of the students are assigned
jobs. Depending on how long you've been a student depicted on what
sort of job you've got. The worst was being assigned to yard crew
where essentially you did the "hard labor".
A few jobs had passes and Wayne and I were holding out in hopes of a
good supervisor job like being in charge of clean up crews in the
chapel or gym etc. Mr. Underwood, the president of the school called
out "Marving Wheeler hall monitors for 3rd and 4th floor". A couple
guys raised their hands and were hired. I jokingly told Wayne "Hey,
we should raise our hands when he calls Carnahan Hall" Wayne said "I
dare you, dude." And then Mr. Underwood called "I need two hall
monitors for 1st and 2ns floor Carnahan Hall" I looked at Wayne and
shot my hand up. A few other guys raised their hands, also, but since
I'd been at school longer Mr. Underwood called my name. "Randy
Halprin…what year are you in?" He asked. I was shocked he even
called my name. "Uh…sophomore, sir" I replied. He shuffled through
some papers. "Hmmm. Well, generally I like my hall monitors to be
juniors or seniors. Why should I hire you?" I was in panic mode- I
was only joking! I didn't really want to be a hall monitor! I stood
up and began to say the first things that came to my mind. "Uh sir, I
was uh room monitor for 2 ½ years in Baker Hall and I had a couple of
most outstanding worker awards. Also, I'm on A-B honor roll" I
stammered. "Do you think you'll be able to be in charge of students
older than you?" Mr. Underwood asked. "I think so" I said. "You
think so?" He lifted his eyebrow. "I mean- yeah. Yes, sir!
I know I could do it." I said. "Alright. I'm going to try you out."
I looked at Wayne, who was shocked. I couldn't believe it myself.
We left the job handouts. Wayne had gotten supervisor of a dorm clean
up crew. We went to talk to our old dorm dean Mr. Gibson in Baker
Hall. Both bragging at the jobs we got. "You know, Randy it's going
to be hell your first couple of weeks. You're going to have to put
your foot down because once the seniors see a crack in your shell
you'll never be able to control them" Mr. Gibson advised. Mr. Gibson
had once been a student and hall monitor himself at OBI.
And it was hell! My first few nights were a nightmare. At 10:30 p.m.
they had what was called "bed check". I would go to the office and
pick up a roster that contained all the names of students working my
floor. I would go to the floor and call "BEDCHECK!!! LIGHTS OUT,
DOORS OPEN!!" The very first time I did it a few seniors called out,
"Put some bass in your voice you sound like a faggot" I tried to find
out which room it came from, but couldn't. On top of that, no one
heeded to my command. Students were still running up and down the
hallway, guys still in the bathroom. It was chaos. I would threaten,
"get to your room or I'll write you up" to which I would get replies
like "write these nuts up! Hahaha!"
After a long night, Mr. Harold who was a dean dorm offered some
advice, "Randy, you're going to have to come down hard. Make an
example out of a few. They break the rules
write 'em up. Give them licks. You have that authority. They'll
chill out, but you have to make them respect you".
This advice followed me into prison. Passive by nature, I would have
to put my foot down at certain times.
I followed Mr. Harolds advice and after a couple weeks I finally had
control. Once in control, I could ease up and start to get to know
people better. I would stop by rooms and chat with people. My
general rule was, look I don't care if you're up, playing Nintendo or
whatever so long as while I'm on the floor your door stayed open, your
lights out and the hallways cleared. You want to go to the bathroom
to get some water or rinse your bowls out, cool- just ask me first.
If a dorm dean was on the floor, nintendos and stereos off. No
exceptions.
I had a blast at that job…and surprisingly all of the other hall
monitors had been fired and replaced for once reason or the other. At
the end of the year during the award ceremony I was given a most
outstanding worker award and Mr. Harold who was presenter gave me a
special mention about how I was the youngest to ever get it at OBI for
being a hall monitor. I guess what surprises me the most about
keeping the job was as the year progressed I started doing more and
more drugs. I look back and I'm amazed at how I pulled it off. I
didn't deserve the award in hindsight. I should've been fired like
the rest. I worked hard, but still didn't deserve it.
That summer it did catch up with me, though. I took advantage of the
ability to go into any room I wanted to and stole some money. I was
caught and fired and had to spend that summer school break on the yard
crew. Just another step in the delay of myself. Shortly after I
wrote a poem on a school bench and was
considered suicidal and expelled for the first time from school (read
my memoirs "Beginning Of The End: parts 1, 2 and 3 on my website).
It's not 10:30 p.m. at night. The rest of the day had been
uneventful. I'm winding it down and going to read until I get tired.
Good night =) |
October 31, 2006
Happy Halloween…Not that its much here. If I had my radio I might be
listening to some "Holiday" specials. Instead I jus spent most of the
day thinking about past Halloweens when I was free. One in particular
that turned out to be one big mess. The thing was, my parents
completely freaked out on me so bad and were insinuating things that I
had to lie and say I did do something because I couldn't convince them
otherwise. There was no way to pacify them at all.
I was in 7th grade, the Halloween of 1990. One of my friends was
going to go out to some haunted houses and other places that weekend
before Halloween. I was going to go out with my best friend, Chad, as
the joker from the Batman movie. We had identical costumes.
So, my friend Gonzalo, a kid from Brazil invited me to go out that
weekend with him and his mother. My parents said it was okay and so I
got to go out. We had a good time going all over Arlington, Texas.
It was about 10 p.m. or so when I finally got back home. Mom and dad
were sitting on the couch in our living room watching TV. "Did you
have fun?" Mom asked. "Yeah. It was a blast!" I said and headed back
to my room.
A few minutes later dad came back. "Randy,
what's that smell?" He asked. His voice hard. "I don't know. What
do you mean? What smell?" I said. "Me and you. Mom smelled
something when you walked by the couch." Dad said. "I don't know what
you mean, dad. I didn't smell anything."
Dad left my room and a few minutes later came back with my mom.
"What's that smell, Randy?" My mom asked. "Have you been huffing
glue? It smells like you've been huffing glue?" "Huh?" I said
perplexed. At that time I hadn't even so much as given any drug a
thought. "You can't go to Gonzolos anymore. We don't trust them."
Dad said. "But dad!" I cried, "I didn't do anything!" "You need to
tell us what that smell is. We'll be in the living room waiting."
I couldn't believe it. They were accusing me of some smell, of
something I hadn't even done. Still, I knew my parents; once they
were "sure" of something, there was no way of convincing them
otherwise. I had to come up with something, just so they'd leave me
alone. I went to my closet and looked at my Halloween makeup etc. I
grabbed the green hair dye for my joker costume. It was in a spray
can. I broke the seal and sprayed a little out, then went out to the
living room.
"Is this what you smell, dad?" I said, handing him the can. He
sniffed it. "Yep. That's it" he said. "what were you doing with
it?" he demanded. I lied on the spot, "I only was playing with it
before I went to Gonzalo's. I wanted to dye my hair, but thought
otherwise" dad considered my words, my lie to get out of "trouble"
because my parents thought I was lying anyways- even though the honest
truth was I hadn't done anything…
"Okay." dad said. "Well, you'll be grounded from Halloween this
year." he said. Mom shook her head in agreement. "Dad! I'm supposed
to go with Chad!" I started to cry. "Nope. Not this year" dad said.
"That's really messed up!" I stomped off.
So, I pretty much was punished for nothing. I don't know what it
means looking back, but that's my Halloween story for this year.
Mail just came! Got a very cool Halloween flavored letter and card.
Michelle, you freakin' rock =) Haha…
Anyways, this otherwise has been an uneventful day. I will close this
entry with best wishes and, of course peace! |
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