| Poems by Randy E.
Halprin Hello! Thank you for entering my "poems" page. Some of these go as far back as 2003, when I first came to death row. They aren't really poems in the typical definition. I don't consider myself a poet. These are more like sketches of lyrics for the music that pours through my mind. Still, I hope that they will evoke something from within, as any decent poetry or music should. |
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END GAME (GAME OVER) (by Randy E. Halprin) The chances and changes - Still everything remains the same. Broken promises, Your love in vain. I cursed the reasons, But played the game. Born to rearrange. - But - Forgot to check myself back in again. Running away has gotten old. Knowing youth has grown stale. The times I've loved, Have only brought hell. (But I played the game - Took the chances I played the game, Had short lived romances. Yeah, I played the game, Lost again And again and again and again...) Yeah, it's the end game again. Game over I guess. It's all the same. It's all the fucking same. |
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NEVER BE THE SAME (by Randy E. Halprin) You punish me for another's hate. It's my heart that you blame. It's my heart that you break. What's so sad is you didn't even hesitate. But now it's just too late. You lied to me. Disguised the truth to me. Didn't you say you believe in honesty? What comes now? What comes next? I can never look at you the same. It will never be the same. It's me that you've shamed. I feel so lame… And foolish. What can I do, When it's me that you've punished. Meanwhile the world around me laughs. We will never again cross paths. It will never be the same. It can never be the same. |
IT IS WHAT IT IS
(by Randy E. Halprin) Do you let it all end? Do you walk away? From every loving thing we did From every promise that we made Can you remember the first time you looked into my eyes? "You have eyes to die for", you said. And I can remember the first time, The first words, The last goodbye. But now all you can say is, "It is what it is". Even when I always beg, don't let it end. I guess I can't really pretend Or hold back what I'm really feeling inside. I don't see the same girl anymore, I can't feel the same anymore. Do you really want to say goodbye? Do I pretend not to cry? Look back at everything we did. Oh well. She said - "It is what it is". |
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GOOD NIGHT (by Randy E. Halprin) I stumbled I fell I fumbled I held Your love In my hands I loved you early in the mornings Even when you yelled I crumbled Just to kiss you Just to see you smile Sun rise Goodnight You said with a sigh But it's not even evening I cried The days not even falling The nights not even calling Our names Blame Only playing games I held I stumbled This time I yelled Even when the moon hasn't risen. |
ONLY PLACE (by Randy E. Halprin) I'm lost in your heart. I'm one with your soul. And even when I don't know, Which direction I should go - You're the only place that I can call home. |
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ENTRANCE (by Randy E. Halprin) Why can't I recieve you? Why can't I recieve truth? Why can't I recieve what I want to believe in - Why don't prayers go answered, And wishes come true? Why can't I believe in what's not right in front of your eyes? Deep inside the see grows. The flower blooms. I want to hope. I want the truth. So... Where are you - If not right in front of my eyes? They call you truth. They call you divine. Though, the pain won't subside - Even when I try to invite you in. |
CRY (by Randy E. Halprin) (words inspired by Explosion In The Sky's "The Moon Is Down") Don't cry. I told you. I need you. I love you. Even if I have to go. I won't be gone long. I'll always be your love song. Don't cry. Please let those tears dry. I wish I could kiss you a thousand times. And even if I can't - I love you. I won't be gone forever. I told you. I still need you. I love you. I'll wait forever. |
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DISINTEGRATE (by Randy E. Halprin) I think I've finally accepted my fate. Love this time has come too late. And now as I watch it all disintegrate right in front of my eyes. I can't say that I was taken by surprise. There's no more hidden chances. No long distance romances. My luck with love always seems to fall straight through. Brings me to my knees, Brings me to ruins. Chewing on finger and nails. Heart burned by the flames of dark spells. (I guess it would be easier to say oh well, but hell... I can't) Fate. She ran away. Fate. She won't be coming back today. I can watch it all disintegrate. |
FREEDOM SONG (by Randy E. Halprin) Outside my window, Sitting in a tree, A small bird sings. She brings to me - The greatest gift of life. A song. A short little song, That makes me want to sing along. And while the bird sings free, I sit in a cage. Others watch me. Singing my own little freedom song. |
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STRONGER THAN THIS (by Randy E. Halprin) Babe, Don't let it defeat you. Don't let them beat you. We are stronger than this. Babe, When time seems to be against us, When the world seems to want to eat us, Know that we can win this. We are stronger than this. |
DEATH ROW CHRISTMAS (by Randy E. Halprin) It' Christmas again; And here I wait still, Facing the end to another long year. When all is calm, But all is not still. When the night is broken by cold sweat and chills. No egg nog to drink. No blinking bright lights. No twinkling white snow. No turkey or ham. Or Christmas television shows. No Stalkings to hang. No fire place to watch. No Santa Clause. No candy canes. No gifts to swap. It's Christmas again; And so I pray, That next year's not the end. And I should live to see the next day. Where's the snow? Where's the love? Where's the lights? Where's the hope? Christmas... It comes and goes. Christmas... On Death Row. |
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MISERY LOVES COMPANY (by Randy E. Halprin) Where do I go? What should I do - When someone tries to the other shoe? Do I act out in revenge - Or try to pretend that this hasn't eaten away at me. On suffer from this person's apathy. I know, Misery loves company… And it sure loves him. So, what should I do? Let it all end - Or let it begin? Be the animal (of my primal rage)… Wash over him like a tidal wave… Come down on him like a tsunami - Or should I just let it be - Let him rot away in his own flea infested, Maggot ridden legacy? Let this be his destiny… Because misery loves company… |
VAMPIRES (by Randy E. Halprin) We are the vampires A world sucked dry - By - Evil and hate Oil and war Soon water will be our next kill source The sun will bring us death When it should give us life While the blood runs thick In streams of Red river mud Polluting mother's milk Baby bottles with poisoned plastic We've become plastic people Do we care? When people run over each other for material wares For Ipods And Iphones Walmart We are humans But we ain't that smart Are we - Truth - It's easier to turn it off Than to turn it on |
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DISEASED (by Randy E. Halprin) I have to silence my head. I have to silence my screams. I've fallen victim to the germs Of another man's disease. There's no one to help me. No one to lend a hand. No love to lean upon. No one who understands. So, here I stand - like a broken man. Holding my heart, In my blood soaked hands… Slowly consumed by this man's disease. |
NOVEMBER (Guess I was wrong again) (by Randy E. Halprin) Last year - November - My life was never the same again. This year - November - Has only brought me pain again. When finally everything had gone my way. I was happy - In love again. I thought nothing could ever go wrong again. Guess I was wrong again. It's the same old song. It always is… |
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MAYBE YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND (an acrostic) (by Randy E. Halprin) Maybe you don't understand what you mean to me. All I have ever done is believe in you. Longing to one day touch you. In all of this - All I ever wanted was your love. |
THE CURSE (by Randy E. Halprin) I'm cursed, I really believe… I'm cursed, can't you see? Nothing really belongs to me. Nothing is ever here to stay. I've been cursed in this way. It'll probably remain - Until the day I'm in a grave. |
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BLUE FLAME (by Randy E. Halprin) A blue flame, Consuming me. Eating away at my oxygen. I can't breathe, Don't let it be our end. A fire so hot. A love in pain. Burning up my heart, I'm in flames - praying for a cleansing rain. My screams, My dreams , Consuming me Why would anyone do this to me? Or us… Why would anyone try to burn us up? Why is this red turning to blue? What do I have to do to prove, That I had been nothing but true. But this blue flame still burns. Exhaust this flame. Make me whole again. |
BEAUTIFUL FACE (Don't Walk Away) (by Randy E. Halprin) Beautiful face - Where did you go? Lovely woman - I need to know.. I can't get you out of my head. Your face (Don't walk away) Your love - All frozen in time. Why can't I gaze - Into those eyes one more time? Why can't you whisper that you're still mine? Try as I may - I can't stop thinking of your beautiful face. Full of grace and enchantment. Don't you know you haunt me? Please don't walk away… Don't take away - That beautiful face. |
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LIKE FALL (by Randy E. Halprin) In the cool breeze, We sit beneath our tree. The one that you carved our name's into. You smile at me, Your head resting on my knees. It always felt too good to be true. As floating leaves pass by, you watched tears fall from my eyes. You whispered, "I love you"… (We were like fall) I remember and I wish That life wasn't as harsh as it is When I had hope in my hands When I didn't have to try to understand Love was what it was And you were what it is Yeah, sometimes I wish that life wasn't as cold as it can get. I moved to kiss your lips. Your head resting on my hips. Sitting beneath our tree, As you gave into me... And it's disappeared - it's all gone. A life frozen in time. No more tears over you. I won't try this time. I don't care this time. I don't care if we were like fall. But you know that's a lie… |
MY RAGE (by Randy E. Halprin) Can you really be that low - To fuck with a love that continues to grow? Your life is sad, Pathetic, Cheap, And miserable. Odd that your life is still valuable - If only you wanted it to be. Instead you zero in on me, Try to play dirty. Do you really think I'm that weak? Do you really want to mess with me? Do you really want to threaten me? I'll be like thorns in your feet… I'll give up my peace - To find out who you are - Nothing but Cheap, Pathetic, And miserable - Yeah, count those syllables - Sucker. |
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TEST (by Randy E. Halprin) I don't believe you any more. I don't believe you any more. 'Cause if you really want to leave – I'll show you to the door. I can't believe you any more. But I won't love you any less. If you really want to go - I'll put you to the test. (What makes it hard on me is you had my heart. I may not let go right away, But I can surely try to start.) I don't believe you any more. I don't believe you any more. 'Cause if you really want to leave – I'll walk you to the door. |
BANG BANG (by Randy E. Halprin) Does shooting plastic pistols at the TV add to a child's naivety? When we are all told that Jesus saves and bodies fill mass graves… As bombs explode by and people in the streets die. Our video games are the only real flames. Day by day souls sucked away. War was just a game, something to protect the interests of you and me. Another bomb explodes in the street. Somewhere another child loses an eye. Arm. Leg. Head. Bang Bang… We're all dead. |
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RINSE (by Randy E. Halprin) Washed away. A love rearranged. All I ever wanted was a chance to play - Without my heart being cut away; Or turned away in shame. My heart defaced. You watch my tears stream down my face… As my love for you is rinsed away. |
6:00 P.M. (This title is in reference to the time that Texas performs its executions) (by Randy E. Halprin) This place is haunted. Death fills the air. Distorts my perceptions - Death is everywhere. When life is grey. And love is pain. Ghosts freeze the day. Keep us from staying sane. This place is haunted. Fills you up with dread. You can count away the days – And soon you too will be dead. No time left. The clock is running out. The voices will remind you – When it's time to check out. This place is haunted. It's the only place they know. 6:00 P.M. reads the clock - Guess it's time to go. |
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SIXTEEN PAST TEN (by Randy E. Halprin) 16 past 10 Another night, Saturday night and nothing to do Another night, Another lost night feeling blue. (and Robert Smith sang drip drip drip) What else is there to do, When all I can do is think of you? As night turns (drip drip drip) Into you (drip drip drip) As Robert Smith sings drip drip drip.. I'm falling apart. Saturday night. Where's my heart, This Saturday night? (And Robert Smith sang drip drip drip drip drip drip) 16 past 10 16 past 10 It begins… It all ends… Why can't it all end? |
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PONE (Pone
is a type of cake.. Just a little FYI :)) (by Randy E. Halprin) I’d given up. Spilled over my cup; Time and time again. Never thought I’d find it again. I wanted to have my cake (and eat it too) Never thought I’d fall into you. This seemed just to good to be true. But there’s not much to do, But take a bite now. Deserve it or not, I have fought; (Even when my mind never understood why) In spite of my distraught. Damn this tastes good tonight. |
WISH (by Randy E. Halprin) Black ice falling from a white sky. A winter chill in a summers night. You are here, I hold you tight. A warm embrace, before I die. I kiss your lips, we start to cry. As you brush the tears away from my eyes. (I am gone soul drifting away, I am gone there's no more pain. No more suffering, It's all been washed away – or one can wish anyways…) A scream breaks a blood red sky, My heart busts open, Shatters the night. I wake up alone, You're not here. Now I'm drowning in a pool of fears. Drowning in a thousand tears. Drowning because you're not here. (I am gone send me on my way, I am gone take away my pain. I don't want to suffer, Wash it all away – or I'd like to wish anyway.) |
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BORN AGAIN (covered) (by Randy E. Halprin) Cover me, bury me Get rid of me; Can God really save me? Covered in dirt six feet beneath the earth Clawing to find the light of day. I’m calling to see if I can be saved. I’ve never prayed this hard; Or this way- Is it true I can find grace? Will I rest in peace or fall apart into pieces. Covered by dirt, I’ve had enough of this hurt, I’ve had enough to drive me insane.. This pain will.. Drain Drain Drain How will I be Saved Saved Saved Where is God’s face? |
RETURN (by Randy E. Halprin) I'm going home to you today. 'Cause everything in my mind’s okay. I see a perfect sky. Bright and blue. I know there’s nothing wrong, Between me and you. (But in reality nothing seems right. In reality nothing seems fair. No one seems to love. No one seems to care. I’m falling down I’m broken down. Broke over you. I want to return, return home to You...) I’m going home to you today. Cause everything in mind is okay. I see a perfect smile, Eyes shining bright. There are no more tears, Between me and you tonight. ( Let me return. Just let me be. Let me come home. Let reality be what I want it to be. It’s not right, and it’s not fair. No one seems to love. No one seems to care. We’re all cold. We’re all so numb. Broken down, from falling down; Where’s the return? ) I’m going home today. I wish everything in my mind was okay. |
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AESTHETICS (by Randy E. Halprin) I fall in love with beauty. Aesthetics and all. The fall. To forget how ugly I feel inside. A fall. From grace- To disgrace. To fill this void with a pretty face. I’m inclined to erase the decline. Of my aesthetically challenged life. Symmetrically - I’m really incongruent. |
INTO THE DEPTHS (by Randy E. Halprin) Here I am, a child again Full of promise, but nowhere to begin. Broken teeth, and broken dreams Here I am, a child again. Daddy says he love me Mommy says she cares They break my heart with abandonment They fill me with despair. Why do I remember eating off a floor Why do I remember being twisted and torn? My brother only an infant But I’d protect him forever I’d protect him in an instant (Where are you dear brother?) Oh, we were so young- Live’s barely begun Look at me now, Just look at me now Wondering how.. When youth had so much promise When the world seemed to give Now I’ve been swallowed-no more room to begin So I disappear-fallen into despair Sink swallow and swim Back in the womb, back into the depths To face my only fear Yeah, I’m a child again. I’m a child again. |
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ALIBI (by Randy E. Halprin) Ignite. Ignite. A star explodes tonight. But will we ever reunite- Under the black moon sky? And why- Why do you say those things; And still cry? Will we ever be alright, When your alibi was never air tight. My heart explodes under a black moon sky. Ignite. Ignite. No more tears tonight. Please, No more tears my dear. When your alibi was never air tight. It will never feel right. (Is it any wonder why.. Alibi rhymes with lie?) |
WHAT DO DREAMS MEAN? (by Randy E. Halprin) In my dream I’m screaming in my dream I'm swinging laughter and cries surround me I'm kicking I'm pleading please don’t let me down! the voices they taunt the voices they haunt FEED HIM! THROW HIM TO THE BEAST!! THROW THE BOY TO THE GATOR! HE SURELY NEEDS TO EAT! like a hammock I'm rocking inching closer to the teeth one last heave ho and my parents let go of me.. |
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IGNORANCE (by Randy E. Halprin) Judge me and hate me. Lacking such empathy in your heart. Committing murder in your soul – Trying to tear me apart. Using words of hatred to slay, (My views are distorted you say? No understanding, Making snap shot judgments with an out of focus lens. If compassion is distorted – Well, what's yours then? I'd much rather embrace compassion, Than your obsession to hate. So, you say you'll toast to my death. That's what I get. I'm a poster boy for executions. I deserve to be dead. You know? I think it's you who's sick. Self absorbed in ignorance. |
ETERNAL YOUTH (by Randy E. Halprin) An obsession To live forever Beneath the tree of life – To bite from the apple of Wisdom And escape this Doom A peril of mankind (Total) Awareness of soul And mind Something that's not yet mine Out of touch with time To never cry Or ever die A chance To get it right In this life If only I had forever If only I had more time |
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DON'T LET ME DROWN (by Randy E. Halprin) Adrift… Slowly slipping. Just an arms length away. On the waters of your ocean, Drowning in your waves. I reach… Try to keep myself from sinking. Trying to grab a hold of anything. You're only an arms length away. But maybe… Maybe it's too late. |
GRACE (by Randy E. Halprin) Grace. Mistakes. Atonement we shall make. For our sins. For the sake of our love. Faith will not fade. In a time filled with so much hate. (So Grace, she sings to me. Grace, she says she loves me. Regardless of my mistakes. Grace, she forgives me. This, she will not take.) We're all human inside. We're all divine. |
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TEAR DOWN (by Randy E. Halprin) We were so hard to build, But much easier to tear down. Love crumbled into ruins; And deafened by the sound Divided our love into parts, Parts and pieces of our hearts. What love can’t be poisoned? What happiness can’t be ruined? Tear, Tear my down again. It seems it never ends. Tear, Tear me down again. So that I can’t pretend… Like Babel. Like Pompeii. One big doomed play. Tear, Tear me down again. Will it ever end? Tear, Tear me down again. I don’t want to pretend. Like Babel. Like Pompeii. What more is there to say? |
STAY PLEASE STAY (by Randy E. Halprin) Calling on your name, In the same old stupid ways. When all you do is play your games, Am I getting in the way? Would you tell me that I’m wrong, If I knew that you were right? Always getting in your way, Without me ever putting up a fight? (Stay please stay! I am wrong, You are right. Stay please stay! Please just one more night…) Breaking glass to cut my hands; It’s a pain you can’t understand. Broken mirrors, scream your name! Yeah, I’ll play your stupid games. Yeah, I’ll play your stupid games… |
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NEED (by Randy E. Halprin) I need it more than you could ever know. I love her more than I could ever show. Yet, every morning I wake up more alone. Another tear for silence, Another heart without a home. I bleed it more than, wounds that cannot heal. I'm lost in thoughts of blackness from words that she will steal. For every evening when I pray and kneel. Another ache for substance, Another moment that I lose my will… |
THRIVE (My Loss) (by Randy E. Halprin) My weakness, My loss of prowess; Comes from having a heart that thrives on love. Taking that away from me would be like – Would be like poisoning superman with Kryptonite. Take my ability to love away and it's like – It's like ripping my soul out of it's shell. It's like sending me directly to hell. I want to thrive. It's what pulls me from the void. Take love away from – And I can be destroyed. |
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This is a song I was writing the other day, but couldn't quite get the rest of the words to come out, but in a way what stands says more than enough. It's about longing for lost youth…
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MISTAKE (by Randy E. Halprin) Staring at a white wall. I dream awake. Silently she stirs. Images of my mistakes. They flash before my eyes. I sit and I shake. I can't stop this shivering Or this growing hate. |
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BEAUTIFULLY BORING (by Randy E. Halprin) You're so beautifully boring, Adoring. Staring out at nothing. This yearning for you, Won't cease though. You could sit and stare forever, And I would still be lost in you. Adoring you. Taking you in. We don't need words, Only eyes. Only this silence that passes us by. Beautiful – And boring. As time passes us by. |
MK ULTRA (by Randy E. Halprin) Subliminally, Your words are seeping into my brain. Washing over me, Pouring into me like acid rain. I never want to think for myself again. My brain rotting away. Wastefully, Why does love lie so blindedly? You've covered me, smothered me. Taken away my ability to see. Lost me in white noise. Suffocated by this black void. My ability to think clearly… Has been destroyed. |
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WALK AWAY (by Randy E. Halprin) Violently, You've shaken me. Opened me up, Like a never healing wound. Miserably, Shaking with grief. I fall down on bruised knees. Tired of your duplicity. Your mockery of me. If I'm to be… If I'm to ever be at peace. Then you'll have to leave. Turn away at the beginning. Stop wasting your tears on something that was never meant to be. Stop wasting your tears on me. Just leave. Just walk away. I've got nothing more to say. |
FINIS (by Randy E. Halprin) It's over. It's really over this time. No being nice, Tired of being kind. Patience is out the window. It's time to say goodbye. No vacant promises. Words empty and void. You tore me in two. It's my heart that you've destroyed. |
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HANGING ON A HOPE (by Randy E. Halprin) I'm hanging. Just barely, By a thread. A fiber of hope. But I can't continue to do this. To wish it into existence. I can't dangle from the edge I'm on. Because I'm one thread. One single thread. Away from insanity. I can't keep waiting For you to come around. To see the err in your ways. I'm barely hanging... Losing grip. I can't keep hanging on a hope. I'm destined to slip. |
CROCODILE TEARS (by Randy E. Halprin) If I had a penny for every crocodile tear you've cried, I'd be one hell of a rich guy. |
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DIVINE (by Randy E. Halprin) Relax. Breathe. In and out, Come to me. It's not the end. It could never be. Relax. Feel eternity. Feel my soul. Join with me. Hold my hands. We'll always be. I drink from your essence, Drink you completely. Breathe. It's not too late. We'll reunite - If only at heavens gate. Because time nor love ever really dies. Feel me. Feel the divine. It's never too late. |
PHOENIX (by Randy E. Halprin) I will rise again, From fire and your games. You may have brought me down, But here I am again. My heart is new, But you thought you could Burn me in your flames. You thought you could Ruin me again.
Chorus: I will love again. Repeat chorus: |
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C.O.D. (Collect On Delivery (by Randy E. Halprin) Speak through me. Whisper to me. Like an explosion in the night, For all to see. I'd give up everything, To only be (With You). I'd sell my soul, For one more day (With you). God, why can't you see? All that you mean to me. Exposing my soul, For all the world to see. I'd sell my soul, For a chance to be yours. I'd sell my soul, To only be with you one last time. You can collect on delivery. |
VIOLA (by Randy E. Halprin) Sadness weeps through stained wood. Sadness sings, Disparity and pain through tightened strings. Sadness speaks and sadness clings. It's all she can bring to me. Ambient hopelessness again. Viola… Play for me. Comfort me through your pain. Viola… Play for me, Tell me all will be okay. |
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I. V. (by Randy E. Halprin) Every life taken, Tears another soul. Every breath stolen, Breaks another mold. Every needle puncture, Makes a small hole. Rips apart at the seams, Tears humanity as a whole. I'm exhausted from all this death. Man kills man. Blood and Lust. Will we end this madness, Of revenge and regret? A thousand years of blood. Why can't we love instead? A thousand years of blood, Why can't we forgive. Mean while, The I.V. rips… |
INTERNAL BLEEDING (by Randy E. Halprin) I can't believe, My disbelief, In a broken dream, That never favored me to begin with. Chance always implicated I would fall apart. Fate dictated, I be without. And now... I'm stuck, With my guts inside out. I'm bleeding from inside out. I've internalized too much pain. |
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QUENCH (by Randy E. Halprin) I'm so hungry for your lips. I'm so thirsty for your kiss. I'll never quite see why you are starving me. Depriving me. Of what we used to be. I'm so hungry. I'm so hungry. Let me please Take a bite of you. Let me drink from you. Let me kiss your lips. Quench my thirst. My desire for you lingers on… |
ANOTHER (by Randy E. Halprin) Another day. Another day. Another word. Another way. Broken promises, Can't find a way. What do we have, Left to say? You don't say yes. you can't say no. Leave with a maybe. But nowhere left to go. Another day. Another day. Another word. So here I'll wait. Another world. You don't return. Another lie. Now it's too late. |
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NO SECOND CHANCE (by Randy E. Halprin) When I'm gone, How will you feel? What burdens will you bear? And the regrets that won't let you heal. There is no second chance… I'm only giving you heads up. Warning you once. Because when I'm gone, You can't raise me up. There's no returning from the grave. No matter how you'll hurt, And the mistakes you have made. It's your choice. It seems the choice you have made. (Once I'm gone… When I'm gone… There is no second chance. Once I'm gone… When I'm gone… There is no second chance.) |
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ALL WRONG (by Randy E. Halprin) Could I have it all wrong? My perspective on life, Love, Souls, And songs… Where does it all come from? Where does it all dwell? Is it in my mind Or in my heart…? Could it come from heaven? Or could it come from hell? Could I be wrong? –Each time I fall in love… Is love in chemicals, Or does it come from something more lyrical? When I fall down, When I fall in love. When I fall each time… Could I have it all wrong? |
I COULD (by Randy E. Halprin) I could hate you, But I choose not to Hold a grudge. Because… If I can't forgive, How can I ask To be forgiven? |
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CHRONIC DISORDER (by Randy E. Halprin) Worse than having my eyeballs dug out with spoons. Worse than being hung from the moon. Worse than falling on my face for you. – Is how I still feel about you. Worse than being run over by a train. Worse than drowning in the rain. Worse than blowing out my brains. – Is how I still fall for you. Over and over and over again. Don't say maybe, don't say pretend. Lying to wait. Dying to be friends. It's the last beat of our hearts that marks our end. Worse than freezing in the cold. Worse than feeling a hundred years old. Worse than being crushed by the fold… No, nothing could ever hurt worse than having fallen in love with you. |
PINT (by Randy E. Halprin) You could've taken my very last pint… The only bit of blood my heart had left to pump. That's what I would've given to you. That's how much I loved you… All you had to do was ask. |
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FOOL (by Randy E. Halprin) Just like a fool, I will fall for you again. Just like a fool, I will call for you again. You'll step all over me. And even though I can see. My love is blind, I am weak. You'll stomp all over me. But just like a fool, I'll continue to let you . |
PORCELAIN (by Randy E. Halprin) I told you not to let go of me. I told you that I was made of porcelain. Damn… It hurts to be a million shattered pieces on the floor. |
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MY RANT AND RAVE (by Randy E. Halprin) One nation, In disguise. One nation, Liberty and lies. My lady, She has blinded eyes. Her green dress flows, As the hard wind blows, And those with hard ones, Want to rip off her clothes. Beat and bruise. Do as we say, Not as we do. But if we are truly free - And "freedom" is the world's destiny. Why do we abuse Democracy? Like liberty is someone to be whored out. As she screams and shouts. Falling death upon some of our ears. 'Cause when those towers fell, Silently the world stood still. The gates of hell were opened, Like a chasm of chaos in our hearts. Two hundred years of progress, Took five hundred years backwards - Into the dark. Then suddenly we felt we had the right. To attack other nations like a thief in the night. To force our culture, Our ways, On those, who have been brought up in thousands of years of what they believe. The toil, For their oil. The children screamed, "Why are those planes bombing me?" While back at the ranch, The Figure Head, The God Head, (Who talks to God himself...) Says, "This is to protect our right to be free!" Free? "Free?" My lady screamed. You can spy on me. Take my rights from me. And somehow I'm supposed to believe, This is how the world should be? Liberty, she cries, "They're raping me! They're killing my children!" And we... We just turn on our T.V.s and rub our fattened bellies and say, "Boy, isn't freedom great?" |
VULNERABLE (by Randy E. Halprin) I'm vulnerable right now. And you've figured out how. To take advantage of my kindness. I'm bendable right now. And you've found a way how. To take advantage of my heart. To stop before you start. |
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LEVIATHAN (by Randy E. Halprin) The Leviathan swallows me inside. Now I know what it feels like, To be hurt by someone else's lies. Maybe if I knew, - How deep this pain would be, I'd never have told a single lie in my past... Because this hurt is much too deep. I didn't think lies had such sharp teeth. And now... I'm in the corridor. The belly of the beast. This leviathan. This lie. These lies are killing me. |
BLACK BILE (by Randy E. Halprin) Black Bile. I can't smile. Not even for a short while. I feel miles away from reality - Or whatever that is. I've been disillusioned, By the illusion of peace. |
DUMBFOUNDED (by Randy E. Halprin) Why? So many tears, We lost our life. Why? So many years, We have sacrificed. Just to feel true joy. When we looked into each others eyes. And now I really can't figure out how. - Or why... You ran away without saying goodbye. Oh why? Why? Why? Why? Why must so much pain fall from my eyes? I admit I was surprised. Please tell me why. What have we sacrificed? Just so you can have your own life. (But what about mine?) Why? |
NOTHING'S IMPOSSIBLE (by Randy E. Halprin) There you were, The woman of my dreams. Impossible to touch. Impossible it seemed. Your gorgeous eyes. Your gorgeous smile. Impossible to look at you, For only a short while. I miss you telling me, "I love you, Baby". I miss you saying, "I love your eyes, Randy". Impossible as it seemed, I could never truly give up on the dream. But now all I can do is scream... Because I've lost you forever, Or so it seems.
I miss you in a hundred
thousand different ways. |
THREE (by Randy E. Halprin) I've never felt these feelings. These feelings deep inside. But they came pouring out in oceans. Oceans I have cried. And I feel like I am drowning, Getting pulled in by the tide. A sea of my emotions, That I could no longer hide. And so these tears wash over me. Pouring out my fears. I'd never felt these feelings. Now exposed by three failed years. (Of Love) |
MORE TIME (by Randy E. Halprin) I sit here with a hole in my chest. Slightly lost, Slightly depressed. I can't seem to get you off of my mind. As I look at the red glowing numbers on my clock, In the dark, I only wish I had more time. Because what once was, Is no longer mine. I only wish I had more time... |
FAITH... SHATTERED (by Randy E. Halprin) You hold my situation against me. Even though I tried to warn you, What would happen all along. Yeah, I told you what would happen eventually. So you go out and forget me. You forget me on new years eve. Did you think I wouldn't see what was happening? I could hear the cord snap. Feel our love shatter. I had so much faith. I was willing to climb the ladder. Instead, My faith was shattered. |
CHANGED TOO MUCH (by Randy E. Halprin) Mariposa, Where are you now? Mariposa, I can't figure it out. You changed. You grew, And flew. At first I was proud, That you had broken from your cocoon. But the butterfly I knew, Has flown away. The butterfly I loved, is not the same. Mi linda mariposa has gone astray, and left me with the shell she was yesterday. |
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IT'S YOUR FAULT IF I (by Randy E. Halprin) It's your fault if I… Yeah, it's been on my mind. To reach for that crutch again, Bleed until I die again. It's your fault if I… Yeah, it's on my mind. To end it all, And fly. Because I gave you my breath. Pledged all I had. You messed up my head. And left me for dead. So, yeah, it's your fault. No matter what you think. If I decide to leave, Or take this last drink. It's your fault if I… |
BLUE AND GREY (by Randy E. Halprin) Blue. Blue. Yeah, I knew. Grey. Grey. It would end this way. And so I'm blue. The sky is grey. And our love has been washed away. |
SLEEPING PEACEFULLY (by Randy E. Halprin) Last night as I went to bed, And slipped off into sleep. I dreamt of two souls, Walking a beach. I could hear their laughter. I could see the glow of their heads. They were holding each other. Tight in their arms. Kissing each other, Under the stars… But then I woke up. I realized I was all alone. |
SWALLOWED WHOLE (by Randy E. Halprin) My eyes. My pride. Swallowed deeply inside. My life I tried. I was swallowed alive. I can't say I was surprised. |
QUITTER (by Randy E. Halprin) Quitter. You flushed it down the shitter. You gave up a little too soon. And now there's no room – For an excuse. Quitter. I guess you can say I'm a bit bitter. Because you gave up too soon. Reflected on our doom – You said I was your excuse. |
CAST ASIDE (by Randy E. Halprin) What's your problem? What's the deal? I lifted your spirits, I helped you heal. I gave you support. Helped you build. Your self esteem, And your own will. I never really asked for much in return. Except loyalty, And friendship – Instead I burn. I've been cast aside, While you have your fun. I've been left to die, While you run. |
BROKEN MIRROR (by Randy E. Halprin) Can you see your face reflected in my eyes? Because I can see my tears falling in your eyes. You know I always stood by your side. I never thought I'd stand here listening to our love cry. I gave my all to be your one. I sacrificed lives and came undone. Can you see the face you said you loved? Or am I the person you have abandoned. |
TIRED (by Randy E. Halprin) I'm tired. I'm tired of broken promises. I'm tired of being pushed aside. Tired of having my heart trampled upon. I'm tired of being torn up. Beaten and bruised. I'm tired of you giving up, Only to come back running. I'm so tired… So, I'll rest my head tonight, And pray to God that I will never wake up. Because to be honest, I really need some sleep. |
CONCRETE SHOES (by Randy E. Halprin) They put concrete shoes on me. They threw me into the sea. With chains wrapped around me, Squeezing so tight I could barely breathe. (As I was sinking down, I knew I'd probably drown. There'd be no one around and I wouldn't be found. Water would fill up my lungs and I would try to scream: My life had barely begun!) But at the last moment, Something pulled me up. Gave me hope… Only to later let me go. And so… I did end up drowning anyways. |
HollyWood Ending (by Randy E. Halprin) I want an ending like a movie. Happy and moving. As the credits roll by, There'll be tears in their eyes – Not a dry face in the room. They'll all applaud and come back to watch – again. Because who needs reincarnation, when you're a memory in someone's mind? I'll be like a DVD or a song stuck on repeat. They'll all have smiles, In my Hollywood ending. |
BY THE WAY (by Randy E. Halprin) I'm not one to boast or gloat, But had it not been for me, You'd still be staying home. You'd be afraid to go outside, To do the things you now do in life. I did everything I could to make you smile. Made you feel special, and beautiful inside. And who, may I ask, Will carry that torch? Who will make you feel, like the best on earth? Who will tell you the things that I did? Treat you in the ways that I did? Make you feel as beautiful as I did? Incase you haven't figured it out. Incase you haven't tried. By the way: I'm one of a kind. |
JUST LIKE (by Randy E. Halprin) Just like a ghost; My soul is stranded somewhere between heaven and hell. Tortured. Screaming in pain, For things unchanged, I'm still in chains to the fears I have. Just like a ghost, I can't let go, Of what's really no longer mine. My body. My spirit. My heart. My mind. |
NEW YEAR'S '96 (by Randy E. Halprin) My last new years eve, My last new years free. It was 1996. I was in a motel. We were all drunk. I remember frolicking on the floor. What was the song we played for the year? I think it was "These are the days" By 10,000 maniacs. But that's long past. How on earth do I remember this crap? |
FAITH (by Randy E. Halprin) As I look at your photograph, Sitting here on my desk, It's new year's eve and I long for your kiss. Your big brown eyes, Your gorgeous lips, Your big wide smile – I long for your kiss.
You've made me smile, |
MILES AND MILES (by Randy E. Halprin) We may be apart. Separated by steel, And miles. But never at heart . A silver cord keeps us tethered. Keeps us together – Across miles and miles. |
THE DANCE (by Randy E. Halprin) Crashing cars And passing trains. Shooting stars Forgotten names. They fanned the fires And danced away. Their deadly dance Oh sufferers of pain.
With covered ears So dream away, |
FROZEN TUNDRA (by Randy E. Halprin) It was snowing, The wind was blowing. I was frozen to the bone. Walking around cold, Walking around alone – Just a walkman in my hand, playing music only my soul could understand. (And even though I was lost to the world, I always hoped the sun would come out and melt all of this snow away.) Frozen Tundra, (And even though I was gone to the world, I always hoped the sun would come out and melt all of this ice away.) |
E.T. (by Randy E. Halprin) I fell hard. I fell from the stars. Landing right on my face. Expanding time and space. With a bleeding nose, I speak only in prose. You'd never guess - That is unless You're an alien like me. |
BETRAYAL OF BETRAYALS (by Randy E. Halprin) Mother, what could it be? What could it be that made you turn your back on me? Father, what did I say? What did I say to make you turn away?
I was your son. |
PAIN FREAK (by Randy E. Halprin) Was it lust or love? did it come from deep below, Or from high above? Which way did it go? Was our head on straight, Or crooked like a wayward arrow - Missing our hearts, but piercing our hands? Bleeding our souls into a draining pan. I didn't want to keep the wound clean. Festering. Pestering me more like an itch I couldn't scratch. Trust me, I don't want it back. I need you like I need a heart attack. But you know me... I'm a pain freak. So go get the defibulator. Just in case. |
EYE TO EYE (by Randy E. Halprin) It's hard to understand, why there's so much animosity between you and I. It's so loud, we can't even hear the screaming trees. Cut down to their knees. Because you and me, We can never see - Eye to eye. Why? Why, oh why? Why can't we see eye to eye? |
IN THE MORNING DEW (by Randy E. Halprin) In the morning dew, I can see you. Dripping with sunshine, On your leaves. Beaded pearls rolling off of your petals. You are mine, Sparkling and pure. You drip like tears to the grass.
I will enter you soon, |
MY TERMINAL ILLNESS (by Randy E. Halprin) I might as well have cancer - 5 to 6 years to live. My terminal illness, It takes more than it gives. Yeah, you can take my life; You can take my heart, And take my love. My terminal illness - Only so long to go.
What's life without hope? I'm shackled to a mistake, |
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FILTH (by Randy E. Halprin) You spill it out. You sing and shout. You let it pour out of your filthy mouth. I've got some dial soap, if you need it. |
CINDY AND HER SECRET MACHINE - Part One (by Randy E. Halprin) Cindy has a secret machine that feeds her dreams and hides her screams. She's had a secret thought. that long she's fought. To be more like her machine. To grow metallic wings - And fly away to the stars.
Her pain is real Human hands in metal grip. |
GOING BALD (by Randy E. Halprin) I Am Go ing B A L D |
(TITLE UNKNOWN) (by Randy E. Halprin) (This song I can't even remember the first verse, but the music is still in my head and half the lyrics. It was written the summer of '95, music and lyrics solely by-compose on my keyboard, before I pawned it. I can't even remember the title to the song.) First verse unknown... But you just sit and stare
across the room, I didn't mean to hurt you. |
LITTLE RED HAIR GIRL (by Randy E. Halprin) (This song was written in 1995. One of the very first songs I had written. The music was written by Dan Kaufman and Randy Halprin. Lyrics by Randy Halprin.)
Hey you, little red hair
girl, What did I do - (And I tried to make you laugh. I tried to make you smile, but you wouldn't recieve me...) Watching the cars, And I know that it won't
be long til we're together forever, ((But I try to make you
laugh. I try to make you smile, but you won't recieve me...) |
ANGEL OF DEATH (by Randy E. Halprin) Up on the hill I see a girl standing, holding hands up into the sky. The rain falls and thunder crashes around. I watch her brown hair soaked, glistening in the light that flashes against the battered sky. I watch as wings begin to sprout from the blades of her shoulders, Ripping through her skin and a scream erupts echoing around the hills. Her new wings white as snow. She turns around and faces me. Looks down the hill towards me. She holds her arms out, Beckoning me. New wings breathing, flapping in the dangerous wind. "Come to me." She whispers. The wind carrying her words to me. Possessed, I walk to her. I climb the hill and grab her hands as she pulls me to her. Sepia eyes and blood red lips - oh, those lips, Those lips, Those lips... Her mouth moves towards mine and her wings envelope me, Drawing me in closer to her as I'm crushed to death. |
CAVE MAN (by Randy E. Halprin) I've been wandering. I've been wandering for days and days. How do I zone out like this? Go on trips like this? Disappear inside my head. Losing total control of the world around me - Almost like spelunking, Lost in a deep dark cave. I gave and gave... Everything I had to the point of nearly going mad. |
SUPER MAN (by Randy E. Halprin) I wish I was indestuctable. I wish nothing in this world could Hurt me. I wish I was invincible. Then your sharp edge words could never Slice apart My heart. You would never be able to Break Me Apart The Way you Do. |
BUBBLE BOY (by Randy E. Halprin) Living in a heart shaped bubble, I didn't want the trouble - That this love would bring. Between doubling my problems,< |